


No choice

by Seaxereddington



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Character Study, Fluff, Gen, Schizophrenic Josh Washington, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28737519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaxereddington/pseuds/Seaxereddington
Summary: Joshua Washington had no choice. He couldn't choose to save his sisters. He couldn't choose to have schizophrenia or the medicine prescribed. And he couldn't even choose to be with his sisters.
Relationships: Beth Washington & Hannah Washington & Josh Washington, Chris Hartley & Josh Washington, Sam Giddings & Hannah Washington
Kudos: 7





	No choice

**Author's Note:**

> This is based of the GT Live I watched of Until Dawn and Game theory, as well as many other fics I've read.  
> At first I totally thought Josh would one of the most hated characters, but turns out it's the opposite. But also it might be Game Theory had an influence on that. Man this game haunts me with the fricking wendigos, I'm in year 10 and I'm having almost nightmares from this thing. But the story was so compelling I watched a gameplay, and the game theory and boy did I internally cry for Josh.  
> I was on the verge of crying while writing this.

Josh was an older brother. He had a responsibility to protect his two sisters. He hated seeing them hurt. They came to him whenever they had nightmares. And he punched anyone that dared make fun of them. They were his baby sisters, and he would give his life for them. He loved them, and they loved him. 

* * *

At seven, Bob Washington brought his children to the mountain that now belonged to them. It cold and snowy, even with the sun that was shining on them minutes earlier. Their father had told them that the lodge belonged to them, as did most of the mountain, but the Blackwood sanatorium was to never be entered. He looked into Josh's emerald eyes with more sternness he had ever seen in his father's eyes as he spoke to his son. 

Beth and Hannah, who were six at the time, were curious and young, so he never mentioned the sanatorium. But he too was curious. Sometimes he would look in the direction of the old building, and imagine what was in there. Bats or monsters, vampires and ghosts, just like in his father's movies. 

"How long am I gonna have to wait until the ball comes over?", he asked with a groan as Hannah dropped her arm and shifted. Beth huffed, "She's concentrating Josh!". Her twin brought her arm up again and aimed, chocolate eyes focused. Josh rolled his eyes, bat limp at his side, "Yeah, focusing for another twenty years. I mean, at this rate we're gonna die of hypothermia."

The brown haired elder twin pulled her arm back before throwing it forward, the ball flying straight for Josh... And whooshing right past him by a metre to the right. It knocked over the spiked brown shoot from the tree before falling with a spalt into the a muddy puddle. The dark haired boy turned back to his sister with glinting eyes, "Someone's gonna have to get that ball. And it's not me~", he sang song. 

Hannah looked at Beth, who raised an eyebrow, "Nose goes", she said, her finger already pressed on the tip of her nose before the words had even come out of her mouth. Her younger twin had already done the same leaving their older brother to splutter, "Hey- Now that's not fair!" 

"Tee-hee", the girls stuck their tongues out at him. Josh grimaced when his eyes passed over the ball now covered in brown sludge, "Let's just leave it. It's not as if anybody will notice."

"Mom will, dimwit", Beth rebutted. Her big brother grumbled, dropping the bat into the snow and picking up the ball with disgust. On their way to the lodge, they passed the run down and dark sanatorium. Josh wasn't sure if he was imagining it, but he heard something akin to eerie growls and screeches. 

He shuddered, pulling his sisters further away from the building. They gave him matching pouts, but shrugged and went along. 

* * *

It's in third grade that he meets a blonde boy wearing glasses, Chris. Chris had been moved next to him because the boy next to him wouldn't stop snapping the training bra of the girl in front of him ( _Weirdo)._ He was cool and nice, but he was too shy. They became good friends, and Josh often invited him to his house.

The girls would play with each other, but Beth, wanting to be acknowledged as strong and brave like her brother, would sometimes come to play with the boys. They played sports, climbed trees and raced. A particularly tall and withered tree had caught their attention.

Josh himself had climbed about 10 feet, before chickening out and quickly coming back down. Hannah had insisted to her sister that she should 'Not play dangerously like the boys', to which he resented because tree climbing wasn't dangerous at all.

Beth climbed about half before she decided she couldn't go on, and he teased her. Though he didn't expect her to take his words too seriously. When he invited Chris again, he dared the blonde boy to climb, but seemingly the only other sane person here, Chris declined.

When Josh egged him in, he finally gave in only to climb about Beth's record and changed his mind as fast as he slid down. That day, Beth decided she'd climb. "I'll make it higher than both of you, and show that I'm best!", the maroon haired girl proudly said.

Josh raised an eyebrow, and watched her climb. That was a lie, Beth certainly wasn't the best at climbing. She was better at instruments and studies. Though their mother often wanted her to be more like her elder twin, which she often refused.

Beth reached about 10 feet when she started to slow down. She started to hesitate, and the branches were further apart. Chris's cheering dropped to a worried gaze while Hannah yelled at her sibling to come back down. His youngest sister looked back down, fear in her eyes, but they hardened as she looked to him. He was always hard to read. Josh's parents had told him so.

So Beth must have mistaken his blank slate of a face as a calling to carry on. She mistook his fear and worry as a mocking to climb higher. And he screamed along with Hannah when Beth's slackening grip finally gave in. She fell and he cried out. And at the hospital, he's disturbed when looking at Beth's pale yet peaceful face. He's always there after school. Eyeing the cast on her arm and bruises on her face with fearful and shining eyes (He knows there are tears waiting to be spilled, but he can't bring himself to do so in front of his baby sister herself crying on his shoulder.)

When she woke, their parents yell at her, and in her fear, Beth shrunk back. Then they turned to him, and he's yelled at the most. Because he should've have stopped his sister. It's his responsibility to protect them, and he was unable to do so. Hannah cried into his shoulder every day after school, and rejoiced with her twin when she woke. He was a failure of a brother. 

* * *

Around his eleventh birthday, Josh starts to hear things. His sisters say they hear nothing, but constant whispers make him shiver in his bed. He started to lack in sleep, and even on rare occasions, he started seeing things. He mostly saw horrors that had scarred him. And on new years eve, he had a panic attack from the hallucinations. He started to feel paranoiac, unable to trust anyone but himself and his sisters. Only their touch had made him feel grounded.

Josh screams for his parents to go away, seeing zombie like versions of the father he looked up and the mother he loved. Chris was nothing but skeletons with eyeballs reddened. He was scared. He didn't want them to come closer. They sent him away screaming and crying for help, and his last thought was that he really was a failure of a brother, forcing his sisters to look after each other.

* * *

Dr. Hill was scary, his eleven year old mind provided. 

"How does it make you feel?", he would ask, and Josh didn't know what to say. He responded scared and lonely. The old man prescribed some pills with a strict regimen, and to come back when he felt the need to. But Josh rarely did. He was always forced because the pills did practically nothing, even if he didn't know. 

Upojn returning home, Josh locked himself in his room. Even through the crying of his sisters (Or sister, because only Hannah was crying aloud. But he knew Beth was also crying on the inside), he stayed holed up in his room. Thoughts swirled around his mind ones he didn't like. He found motivation to stop moping when he heard Hannah's pleas for "The old Josh to return". And so he does, and almost everything goes back to normal. 

Middle school, was when everything had changed. Josh, realised, that Beth rarely relied on him. She seemed to be trying to protect everyone herself, taking care of Hannah because despite being the older one, Hannah was less mature than Beth. Josh hated himself for being such a failure of a brother. But a part of him was glad there was less responsibility, and he hated that part of him more than anything.

One day in school, Beth beat up a girl that was bullying Hannah. And the girl is appropriately punished, but his little sister is unfairly punished. He gives her thumbs up when she comes out of the principal's office, and she grins back. It looks genuine, and he couldn't be happier to see it. He didn't' know if it was his imagination, but his felt less forced.

Josh has always been taller than the two of them. He was supposed to 

* * *

Josh knew his sisters better than they did. He's been there for them before they were there for each other. So he could tell that Beth was unhappy when Hannah made a new best friend. Samantha Giddings was athletic and nice. She had a bright smile and Josh thought she was good for Hannah. But Beth would glare at her when she thought no one was looking. And force a smile every time they spoke. Sam never noticed, she was too young to. 

But Beth wasn;t an expert at hiding what she felt, that was Josh. He understood that she felt replaced, since middle school had separated them. Something unfamiliar to the twins, and Hannah hadn't been doing as well as Beth. But as she learned to be independent, Beth grew sadder and lonelier. Another day, Josh invited Chris for a sleepover, and Hannah giddily asked if Sam could join. 

He agreed of course, because the more the merrier. And laughed to himself when he caught Beth gave Sam the 'stink eye' wherever she went. He let her pick a movie, frowning when she picked a disney film. Beth rolled her eyes while Hannah grinned widely. Chris was his usual self, a little shy when greeting Sam with a small 'hi'. 

Josh decided to sit next to Beth, who was glaring all the way through the film. "You look funny when you're angry", he laughed quietly. She turned to give him the 'stink eye' instead, "I don't not!", Beth hissed. He smirked, "Yes you do. Your eyebrows go like this", he shaped his fingers on his brow into a V. Beth looked close to punching him but second guessed and turned back to the film, scowl firmly in place.

"Why don't you like Sam?", she turned to him incredulously.

"You do?"

"She seems nice."

The brunette sniffed disdained, "She's just gonna hurt Hannah". Josh grinned, "How do you know?"

"Twinsticnts, of course."

"You're just jealous."

"Am not!"

Josh's grin grew wider as Beth's rising tone, "Someone's got a bad case of the green monster", he sang tauntingly. Beth pouted and turned away, her eyes trailing to Hannah and Sam singing along together. Bright smiles and loud laughs that Josh hadn't heard in a while (A part of his thought it was his fault. That his inability to be a good brother had cursed the girls to be sad around him). 

"It's fine for Hannah to make new friends. It's honestly good, that she can speak to others without fear. Compared to before, it's better she doesn't always rely on you. I'm sure you think so too."

"I'm Hannah's best friend...", Beth whispered into her arms, knees pulled up to her face. "You're her _sister_ ", he insisted, "She's always gonna need you. But she's not going to only need you, or me. She was bound to make friends, and Sam seems like a first good choice."

His sister sighed, unable to argue. He was glad that Beth was getting a chance to relax. She was younger than all of them, even if it was a couple minutes in the case of the sisters. But he was the one who should be worried, not her. She was supposed to be worrying about herself and her friends. 

"Just, take care of yourself before Hannah. That's my job not yours",

Beth chuckled, bringing Josh out of his thoughts, "When did you get so smart?" 

The words were out of his mouth before he could even think, "Well, I guess you learn a few things in therapy when you actually listen." 

Her smile dropped, "... Therapy?" 

Josh's face fell. He got up and muttered under his breath, "I have to go to the bathroom", though it was more to himself than Beth. Just what was he thinking when he said?! He wasn't supposed to worry his sisters, especially Beth, anymore than they already were! 

(He wasn't thinking. He ran his mouth because he wasn't thinking) 

* * *

Josh is being glad to finally see both of his sisters getting along in school. Beth worried about herself instead of himself and Hannah. He was always taller than the two of them, someone they both looked up to because he was their big brother. But somewhere along the line, Beth grew to be a mountain, she towered over Josh, and he hated himself for that. 

Chris had a crush on a girl by the name Ashley, and Josh wasn't letting that go anytime soon. He often teased his best friend. Otherwise he'd tell him to make a move. But the blonde haired teen was too shy to even make his love known. It was sad, and one day Chris would regret holding back his emotions. Everything was back to normal. Beth and Hannah went out with friends and crushed on some here and there, learned and paid attention in class (Something he was having trouble with recently).

They made new friends, like Emily, Matt, Mike and Jess. It was sometimes just them, and sometimes it was everyone. But somewhere within Josh, was a part of him, that was cold. Filled, but frozen. It made him feel a little detached, but whenever his friends and sisters were there, he felt warm. 

* * *

Beth had been gone for a while, and worry gnawed away at his heart. He couldn't breathe properly, and Hannah teared up, sobbing into her hands (She had called more than a dozen times, but each times they were left unanswered. In high school, in his second year and his sister's first, Beth went missing. None of them knew where she was gone, and she didn't answer Hannah nor Josh. He started to worry that either one of them had caused her disappearance. 

Around the fifth ring of the first call, Beth picked up. He could hear the remnants of her sniffles, "Finally. Thank fucking god", he breathed. "Where are you right now?". Her response was tired and small, voice so hoarse it made his heart wrench. She answered so quietly he barely heard, Josh let out a small sigh, "Do you want me to put Hannah on?", he felt it was the better option. Josh wasn't a good brother. Hannah and Beth relied on each other and were closer than ever. 

"No!", he startled. "Okay, Jess?"

He goes through the list of her friends, and she declines each time. "C-can... Can you just pick me up?". She's allowing him of all people to see her crying. In a weak state he hasn't seen her 

He does.

* * *

The car ride was too silent. He didn't like it. The scenery flashed by, but it was nothing more than a blur to Josh. Blurs that formed familiar faces he didn't like. 

_You're a failure Josh. Why couldn't you be more like your sisters?_

_What kind of example are you to your little sisters?_

The dark haired teen noticed the hunched over form of his sister. He stopped the car, but quickly snuck a pill from the orange bottle (It felt like lava in his hand, bruning through his skin and melting his bones. Why? He didn't know). The images faded, but small whispers carried on faintly talking in his head. He ignored them as he sat next to his sister. 

Beth looked up, and Josh pulls an immediate arm around her. It was an instinct he didn't think he still had, but her tear streaked face, tear filled eyes and wobbling lips are all that was needed for him to act like a true brother again. She leaned into his touch, shoulders shaking with every hiccup. He doesn't say anything. The wind blows gently, filling the silence for them. 

"Are you okay?", he tried unsurely, because the wind was starting to fall and he didn't like the silence. Beth stayed quiet, instead getting up and striding to the car, and Josh followed after her. 

"You didn't do anything wrong", he wasn't sure what to say. There's only so much comfort he can offer with the little info he has, "If someone did something we can-"

"I'm gay."

Beth blurts out.

"I know."

Josh isn't shocked. Beth is, giving him a wide eyed stare, "I know you better than you think", he added. She turned her gaze back to the passing bushes and trees. "So what, did someone give you shit for it", the anger bubbled and threatened to fester. Beth looked slightly fearful, andhe made sure to keep his anger in check. 

"I kissed a girl."

He's surprised now, giving her a wide eyed glance, "But.. She only liked me because I looked like Hannah."

"That's fucked up", his tone is monotone as always, but there an underlying tone of anger. There's a storm in his eyes he can't control. One that threatens to kill whoever hurt his little sister. 

"Everyone sees me as a discount Hannah... Is that how everyone really sees me?"

"That's not true."

"Mom always asks why can't I be more like Hannah every time she achieves something. She asked me last week when Hannah achieved first honors. and here I was down in the dumps. She forced me to do three years of tennis even though I was shit and didn't like it. All because Hannah was a star at it", he couldn't say much against that. Being the twin of the nicest person was probably tiring. Constantly compared to her. Nothing but a speck of dirt next to the shining star that was Hannah. But if Beth was a speck of dirt, what was he?

Simple, nothing. 

"Our parents are shit", he started, "Dad told me I was just bills, depression filled in my head". He used to look up to Bob Washington, but somewhere along the line, hia father stopped looking at him, at his children and focused on everything that was work. His mother rarely looked at him, her eyes only saved for the pearls that were Hannah and Beth. Even if Hannah was shining compared to Beth (They both bright in his eyes, he couldn't see why his parents didn't think the same) 

Beth returned her red rimmed eyes to him, "Really?", her voice is soft, as if she's treading on thin ice. "Yep. Imagine being thirteen and hearing that. Point is, you're not a discount Hannah. You're you, and nothing'll ever change that. None of us think you're a discount Hannah".

She hummed along, drying her tears. "Besides, you're probably the coolest out of all of us." 

"I'm not-" 

"Beth, you can bench press my weight. What's not cool about that?". She smiled, and he felt a laugh bubble in his chest. 

He felt like an older brother, he was supposed to be. 

A few days later, Beth cut her hair shorter and started wearing contact lenses. Hannah's noticeably upset, but doesn't complain nor resent her. Next to each other, they've never looked so perfect. Josh hadn't been so proud in a while.

* * *

He's already graduated by the time the rest of his friends graduate. And in commemoration, he threw a party at the lodge on the mountain. It was great, he had a blast, up until the drinking contest. He won and passed out immediately, out cold on the table. He didn't remember Beth trying to shake him awake. But he vaguely remembered Sam frantically waking him, panic stricken expression making his breath hitch,

He swayed a lot, mouth feeling dryer than any deserts filled with cotton. He had a splitting headache, as thought someone had broken his head open with a bottle and shoved it in there. They filled him in on the prank, and he felt his blood run cold. Hannah, was gone because they made fun of her, Beth, was gone because he wasn't there again.

His neck was aching from having slept in such n awkward position, but he couldn't feel it. Blood rushed in his ears. He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't feel much. 

The white anger aimed at his friends was frozen in place as he searched and searched in the snowy mountain. As a child, Josh had always liked the snow. It soft and pure white, a colour that often made him feel safe. But now the snow only seemed like an obstacle to finding his sisters. The freezing wind howling in his ears (Sometimes it sounded like a cry of help from his sisters) bit into his pale skin. 

And in the end, his hands shook as he dialed 911.

* * *

The realisation that his sisters took a while to sink in. The cold, empty part of him felt real. He could feel a part of him frozen like ice, numb, biting into his skin. It hurt. And the fire that always warmed that part of him was gone.

His sisters were gone.

He started seeing them in dreams and nightmares. Josh imagined them just there, the three of them playing together when suddenly they're ripped away and replaced by skin dead copies of his sisters. 

He rarely slept.

They started to follow him during the day. Their voices whispered like wind cutting through his ears. It hurt. And the fuzzy ear warmers he had were gone. 

He couldn't focus anymore. Their constant whispers and talking made him feel so uneasy, like he couldn't breathe. They asked him, demanded why he didn't save them. _"Why did you want us to die?"_

 _"I didn't...",_ he'd answer, close to crying. The teachers would look at him weirdly before having a student get him to the nurse. 

He dropped out not long after.

* * *

"How does it make you feel?"

The same question he could never form into words. He didn't like it. How did it make him feel?

"I've... Stopped drinking since that night. I don't like alcohol, because I keep thinking, 'What if I had been awake to search with Beth?' I could have been with her". He doesn't tell him of his sisters ahunting him day and night (It was his fault, he shouldn't have to trouble anyone else)

He's prescribed a few more and different pills, and he takes them regularly as instructed. For a while, it feels like they're doing something. But he doesn't realise that all they're adding is further adding to the fresh wound in his heart. Josh resorted to taking more when he started seeing and hearing things again.

When he's found lying on the floor, a bottle of empty pills he had just gained, he's sent to the hospital. His parents didn't even visit (He was nothing to them). He recovered quickly, but is overloaded with questions as to why he decided to overdose. "They weren't working", he replied in a daze. The doctor started to scribble furiously on his clipboard. Josh didn't bother reading any of it like usual. 

_I wanted to join my sisters, I don't like it here. No one cares for me._

* * *

Dr. Hill told him to surround himself with friends. What friends? The ones that killed his sisters? He pretended to be fine around them, because he didn't want their sorry excuses or apologies. He spent days walking around with nothing to do, because no one cared. 

Melinda was too busy mourning her daughters to care about her son. Bob was too busy working to look at his son. His sisters were too busy being dead. His friends were too busy with school. 

He was alone.

* * *

"Josh!", she was probably one of the last people Josh wanted to see right now. Sam jogged over to him, a weak smile on her face. Her blonde hair was tied into a messy ponytail, as it always had been since they were children. "Hey". he rubbed the back of his neck, emerald eyes averted away from her. 

Sam looked unsure, her already small smile wavering before offering a cup of tea. He agreed, because he was getting lonely. All the hallucinations were getting to him. "How're you doing?"

"Doing fine. I guess..."

Their conversations were short, Josh constantly trying to avoid talking. "If you want someone to talk to, I'm here for you Josh. You don't need to be alone, even through midnight I'll talk to you. Please", she pleaded ( _Pleaded..._ ), "Rely on me if you need me."

So he did. He thanked her for being there. And talked most days. Because he had nothing to do. Sometimes they'd talk until midnight. Sometimes they'd go further than that. They talked about anything, and whenever the topics ended or ever veered towards the forbidden, Josh would smoothly change the subject. It was enjoyable. He felt alive for a bit. 

The part of him that was frozen felt warmer, even if it was still iced. But Josh would conversations whenever he started to hear or see his sisters. "You have school don't you tomorrow? You should get some sleep", he would tell her, and she would reluctantly agree (Which made him feel both disappointed and slightly happy). Chris started talking to him again. It felt nice. But he noticed that the teen was more into spending time with Ashley, even if that was what Josh wanted ( _Had wanted_ , now he wanted his friend to be with him. Chris was his best friend)

But the cold and empty part of him was still frozen, and after a while he felt nothing when talking to his friends. 

* * *

"You're the only one that understands me", he told Sam when his emotions started to overload. Tears started to prick his eyes, voice wavering and shaking from the lump in his throat.

_She didn't._

**_She did._ **

* * *

They told him to prank them. He thought so too. They needed to feel the humiliation that Hannah felt. The anger Beth felt. And the pain he felt. They were right, he trusted them. They were saying the right thing. 

_Why didn't you save us, Josh?_

_Why did you leave us to die?_

**_They weren't real! I didn't want them to die! STOP IT!_ **

* * *

No one questioned his constant trips to the lodge. No one apparently cared. Somewhere along the line, Josh had forgotten his dream of being a director. He didn't want to be the actor that played a different role like his father. He wanted to be the one behind the scenes, planning everything. He planned the trips for everyone. But he still knew how to act, because it would be an important to him someday, he knew.

Somewhere else along the line, Josh remembered his dream, and he started acting on it. Stringing together moving corpses, spinning saws to get their blood rushing. Blank guns. He'd show them that they didn't care, he'd make them pay. That's what they were telling him. He trusted them, his sisters were always right.

**_Go away! Please! I didn't want you to die! I'm sorry!_ **

* * *

He stopped taking pills altogether. Dr. Hill was readying for new treatment when Josh decided to give up completely. "Now, now, we simply haven't found the right treatment yet. You'll be fine", he encouraged. But Josh was done. He didn't like the man, he didn't like his _fake_ gentle voice and _lying_ kind words.

**_He was just trying to help, and I was being a jerk. A whiny, spoiled brat._ **

_He was evil, he didn't want to help Josh. His medication did nothing._

**_He... He was... Trying to help... But he didn't._ **

* * *

The video wasn't all a lie, he did want them to get together again. He just wanted to forget his pain and enjoy himself. But there was a part of him that wouldn't forgive. His sisters didn't want him to forgive, and he needed to avenge them.

But... He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to feel the warmth of others. He hadn't felt it in a year.

* * *

They didn't question him inviting them back a year later. Chris even asked him if he was alright. Of course he was. _He really wasn't, but not even Josh himself knew. He was far too delusional at this point. They didn't stop whispering in his ears. But it was alright. They would love it. They said so themselves. He trusted them._

_**They weren't real. They can't tell me what to do! Leave me alone!** _

"Come on, she practically spends her life with you", Chris looked thoughtful. He pushed him further, because he wanted the two to get together. Ashley definitely loved him, and Chris had a chance!

There were a few harmless arguments here and there. He listened with a blank face to their banter. There wasn't a single trace of remorse, not a drop of guilt. Everything was normal to them, as if the events of last year hadn't happened. 

It angered him so much, but there was a part of him that hesitated.

* * *

He told Mike to go off with Jessica, since Emily couldn't stop fighting with the latter over the former. Matt seemed skeptical, but ever the nice guy, he played peacekeeper. Chris was still being so secretive of his love towards the girl who had it, joking around and acting as casual as he could. Seriously, it was a shame because he knew that Ashley liked him back, but Josh would fix that. Afterall, what better than a little scare to get people together?

There was no hot water, Sam complained with a lopsy smile. So he accompanied her to the basement, and he resented himself for holding his hand up. Like she was ever gonna high five him. None of them cared. 

_Only they did. And he would make them proud. He would avenge them. Revenge was the best medicine._

**_Stop! You're scaring me! Leave me alone! Help! Anyone please!_ **

His cries of help were left unattended.

* * *

Chris's high five felt so warm, it was like melting ice into water. He felt alive for a brief moment. 

Then came the board. Sister. Hannah. Killer. Proof. Library.

_They were messing with him._

**_I'm messing with them!_ **

* * *

The spirit board scared him. He suggested it, and he knows it's selfish to blame the two when they had done nothing to do with it. But he wasn't thinking rationally, he never was. And he stormed off with his heart beating in his ears, breath a little ragged. The library seemed daunting, mocking him and his choices. 

_They deserve this. You're doing the right thing, Josh_

**_I'm not, why am I doing this?_ **

_Because they hurt us. Or are you gonna just leave us? Like you did when we died?_

_(Hannah's skin turned pale and gaunt, lines of death trailing down from her smile to her eyes, that were their usual brown but shineless. Beth joined her from the side, blood trailing from her broken neck and mouth)_

Josh walked faster, and put the mask on. 

**_No... I'm sorry._ **

_He was doing them some good. He'd make them famous! And Chris and Ashley would finally have the chance to get together! He was doing them all a favour he didn't owe them. He was a nice guy!_

**_He was the worst._ **

He quickly knocked the two of them out, feeling a rise of shame when dragging Ashley away. His knuckles burned with the touch of Chris, and he punched a wall to get rid of it.

* * *

He chose _her_ over _him._ What a joke, they were supposed to be friends! Bros! Gosh, no one cared about him did they? Allan wouldn't stop texting him, but he was done with the doctor. He wanted nothing else to do with him.

She stabbed him, so he punched her out cold. What choice did he have?

* * *

Chris didn't care about him. Even while begging and pleading for his best friend to save him, he chose Ashley over him. He didn't _care._ _None_ of them did. He felt like vomiting. See? He didn't have any friends that cared about him. He didn't have people to surround himself with. See Doctor? It was all pointless. They needed to understand, and he had to make sure. 

_That's right, (Hannah's voice was cracked and broken, as the skin from her face peeled off), they ,ade us suffer. And they need to now. It'll help you brother._

The two teared their eyes away from his (Fake), sawed body, blood dripping into a puddle on the floor. _It felt like his blood._

He watched in growing sadness as they ran away. Because they didn't care. No one cared for him.

* * *

He watched Sam calmly while she bathed. He didn't feel anything. Her screams made him shiver. Her wide eyes and the fear made him shake. But they told him it was right.

_They need to pay._

Then he chased her, and she escaped him. 

"Fuck!"

**_Why am I doing this?! Stop it!_ **

* * *

He couldn't even choose between himself and Ashley, when he chose her over his own best friend! Fucking pathetic! The saws weren't even gonna come down! And they were blanks. This wasn't his bro. 

"Josh?", he laughing uncontrollably, "Oh, good. You all got my name. Good-good-good", he rambling uncontrollably. "How did it feel?! Did it make you feel scared? Panicked? All those emotions my sisters got to feel a year ago?!", he's getting angry. 

_You did good, Brother._

_That's right... I did._

**_I didn't._ **

"Except they're not here to laugh it off! Nope! Nope, nope, nope!". Mike started gritting his teeth, in anger. _Good_

Ashley was shaking from fear. _Better_

Chris was torn and Sam let out ragged breaths _. Good, good. It's all good._

"Josh... Your fingerprints are all over this, it was obviously you", Sam looked at him with pity. Pity. _Pity. That wasn't what they were looking for. That wasn't what he was looking for._

**_I felt a little better, because she cared..._ **

_No she didn't. She was just like the others._

"Oh really? Really really really?"

"You're crying out for help Josh. Gosh you wanted to get caught didn't you?", her tone of voice hurt him. Yeah, he was crying out for help. Yeah right. 

"Oh sure. I'm totally just crying out for help. Help me! Help me... help me, help help". They're still looking at him as if he was a freak. Crazy. A psycho.

"Come on! Come on, it was just for fun!".

_It was just a prank!_

"I mean, so you got a little bit of egg your face right? Nobody got hurt!"

**_I wasn't going to hurt anyone!_ **

_He wasn't going to hurt anyone._

"What are you talking about you ass hat!?", Mike cut in, voice rising, "Jessica's fucking dead!"

...What? No...

"What?"

He stepped closer, eyes blazing, "Did you hear me? Jessica is dead... AND YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING PAY YOU DICK!"

There was s sha[r pain on his jaw, "Agh!", he blacked out. 

* * *

Josh woke up to the stinging pain in his jaw, the metallic taste of blood slowly filling his mouth like a waterfall. 

Now they had him tied up and pushed him into the woods, "Guys! Guys come on", Mike pushed him further, "Seriously this is crazy, you know."

"Shut up", it was so harsh, he might as well have punched Josh again.

"Why'd you hit her man!? Huh? Why'd you have to fucking hit her!", Chris punched Josh. Why'd it hurt so much more? He fell to the floor, "What are you talking about?"

"You punched Ashley you piece of shit!"

 _ **She stabbed me!**_ "I got... So mad", **_because it hurt like a bitch!_**

"You don't hit a girl. You just don't."

_Even if she stabbed you._

_"Dude, chris. Bro I-", **I'm sorry**_

"I'm not your bro" _. He had nothing left. Not a friend he could rely on. No one cared. Why did he even bother!?_

"Where're we going?!", he was starting to panic, he realised. Why were they bringing him away? "Where're you guys taking me?!", Mike pushed him further.

**_Stop it. It hurts, I thought we were friends._ **

"Locking you up, bro", he looked up in panic. The last word felt ice to his heart, ice that was already suffocating him. "What?!", Josh forced himself back up.

"So you can't do anything... Stupid before we call the police in the morning". _He didn't do anything. It was just a harmless prank! None of them died!_

"... Come on, I didn't do anything", he insisted, _it wasn't his fault they couldn't take a joke._

Chris stumbled on his words, as if he was shocked, "Are you serious bro?". **_Yes!_**

"You're a goddamn murderer is what you are!", _**I didn't kill Jessica!. I would never!**_

"I didn't do it. Michael please! Just listen to me man! I did not hurt Jessica", **_I swear on my life I didn't do it! Why won't they listen to me? They're not the ones that lost their sisters because of a... Dumb prank!_**

"You know what man? You need to shut up", _not Chris no._

He couldn't help the smile, forcing a grin on his face felt like stretching his skin taut, "Chris, hey. Come on Cochise, we're partners!"

"S-stop, don't say that". _Why? I thought we were... Why. Fine_

"Fine then. Be a dick!"

"You only see, what you wanna see!"

Mike threw him on the floor, "Ow! Ow! It's not my fault you suckers can't take a joke", he pointed the gun at him, while sitting on him"Oh wait wait. Did I hurt you? Did you just.. Feel a little pain", he started twisting his arms, "Right now? I am just so SO SORRY!".

"STOP IT! Michael man, I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am that something happened to Jessica, but I swear... I swear I have no idea what happened to her". He didn't even go near her. He didn't want them hurt. 

"Do you really expect us to trust, after all the shit you put us through?"

He's starting to lose himself again. "Can't we all just get along", the smile stretched itself without consent. Mike pulled him up, "Ow! Damn it!".

"We're not, dicking around".

"You're just a bunch of bullies!"

Mike was getting angrier, pushing him to the floor. Josh had long stopped thinking rationally, provoking him seemed to best to him. ]

"You're just a coward."

_Sure, sure he was._

"You did it all while you hid in the shadows, you're a coward!"

_I was playing a masterpiece. Dad would have been so proud._

"Leave me a little room to wiggle around", their grip hurt. _Let go!_

"What does it take to shut you up!"

_The help you were supposed to provide._

"Ow! Not so tight okay! Not so tight...", he dropped his voice to a whisper. He started mumbling again. 

"Everybody's stupid. Chris and Ashley... Chris is am ass. Ashley's a dumb dumb."

Chris stepped closer, "Excuse me what did you just say?", he glared. They acted like he was the villain, he was just playing a harmless prank. Like they did to his sisters. The light of his life! Gone!

Of course it didn't matter to them! His 'bro' wasn't even his bro! He chose some dumb dumb over his own friend. 

"You hear that? That's the sound of never kissing Ashley you pussy!"

"Stop!"

No, he's had enough of them all.

"You know, you might as well let Ashley sleep with Mike. At least he's got some notches in his belt, you know he'll treat! Her! Right! You're fucking! Pathetic Christopher!"

"I'm gonna beat his head off", he prepared the stick. Mike pulled him back, "Don't listen to him! Not worth it."

"Hey Mike! Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike. Mike!", it didn't make sense. He never went near Jess.

"What... Happened to Jess?"

"You know what happened"

"No, no I don't. I.. Got, a problem Mike. I don't remember killing Jess. No- I mean, like I feel I would remember killing her you know. She's.. so soft, and she's probably got, a really tight butt..."

Mike aimed the gun at his face. He didn't even feel anything, "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

Chris hit the gun out of his hand. Well at least he knew how to do something. No scratch that, he can't even play good cop bad cop properly! "Yeah Chris! You know me better than that!"

The blond teen shook his head, "Yeah, just next time give me a heads up", he sighed tiredly, as he was _tired._ He'd done nothing, absolutely useless!

"Oh... Oh you poor little bees", he cooed. You can't even get you good cop bad cop routine to work. LEAVE IT TO THE PRO, BROS!"

The two of them talked like he was a nuisance, but that was the. Yeah, he was fine. 

"Ooh, a sleepover. Can we order pizza?", he was really hungry.

* * *

Mike left. He said he'd stay. No, please don't go. "Mike wait! Please!", he was already gone. "Don't leave me alone!", he screamed into the abyss of the forest. Familiar screeches echoed in the darkness. Like the ones from the sanatorium... He was scared. He didn't want to be alone! Anyone, anyone was fine! Even Allen! Please, "Don't leave me..."

Josh felt the tears slip from his eyes. He felt tired. He smelt the sickening, iron smell of blood. His jaw hurt. His head hurt. They're all just bullies. But he'd rather be with a bully than no one. 

_"But you have us Josh"_

"No, no no no. No, they're not real"

_"It's just us. Us three siblings. Together"_

"Get away! Get away from me!"

He was screaming. They were back.

_"Frère Jacques Frère Jacques"_

"You're not real! Stop!"

_"Dormez vous? Dormez vous?"_

"Why're you doing this to me!?"

He started struggling. The ropes were suddenly trying to crush his hands. They burned. It hurt. His arms hurt. His _brain hurt. His throat hurt, his heart hurt._

_"Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines"_

"Stop it! No please! Why're you doing this to me?!" 

_"Ding ding dong Ding ding dong"_

"You can't tell me what to do... You can't tell me what to do anymore", he started sobbing. Everything hurt, he couldn't think. A screech from in front snapped him out, and he regretted with his every fiber of being looking up. Milky white eyes with sawed and sharp... Canines glared at him like a predator. Its breath stunk of rotten flesh, he wanted to gag. The skin was pale and rotten, dead. Its body was pulled taut and stretched, like a spider. He was scared.

He blacked out after a strong and precise blow to the head.

* * *

Allen spoke while his head hung in his hands. He 

They hurt him.

He was so, so sorry. 

"I wonder how much more these 'sessions' are helping you"

No, no stop... Please stop!

"Self indulgent, spoiled little brat!"

I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 

"You had so many people who cared for you, and at every turn to pushed them away", Allen's face was pale and taut. Like the creature from before. There was blood and he _hurt_ and and-

_"Frère Jacques Frère Jacques"_

"No, not again no no no", _please stop._ The whispers cut through his ears so painfully, like skinning them and ripping the strips off his skin. Forcefully pushing them into his heart.

_"Dormez vous? Dormez vous?"_

They were coming from all around, He crawled away but the voices only got louder. "Get away! Get away! Get away from me!" 

_"Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines"_

_"Ding ding dong Ding ding dong"_

"No! You're dead!", he was shouting into darkness, nothing. They started laughing. Giggling.

 _"Sorry"_ , Allen's voice... 

"You're dead!"

_"You can't change the past", the old, greying man told him gently._

_"Josh", Hannah called sweetly._

"SHUT UP!"

_"We miss you Josh"_

"Ah! No! You're dead!"

_"Come with us"_

_"A goddamn murderer is what you are!"_

_"No, it's not ready!_

_"You manipulated us!"_

"No, they're gonna love it", he nodded to himself. 

_"You're a coward"_

_"Are you insane!?"_

_"I want us to have a good time"_

They were still laughing. They weren't real!

"They're gonna love when it's ready"

_"Oh my god no!"_

_"Hello there"_

He couldn't breathe, "I don't take orders from you... You can't tell me what to do", he weakly protested. 

_"Josh! I don't know!"_

_"How does it make you feel?"_

"You can't tell me what to do anymore", hands on his head, voices talking. Stop. Please

The psychotic laugh raked his nerves, "Time has run out for Josh."

"Okay. Okay"

_"Come with us"\_

"I trust you"

_"We're out of time"_

"I trust you"

* * *

No! No stop it!

"Get away from me!... Get away!"

They weren't real. They weren't real. Beth wasn't that pale or dirtied. She was bright and strong, and kind and a loving sister. 

Hannah was beautiful and smart, she was the kindest soul and a caring sister. 

_"We were all alone down there"_

_"Why did you let us die Josh?_ _"  
_

"I didn't-"

It was dark. There a small blue light, ominous and unnerving. It was dark, they were coming from every corner. He couldn't escape.

_"Why did you want us to die?"_

"I didn't want you to die..."

He walked away, backed up like a cornered animal. The pigs he killed, they came back to haunt him. Knots of fear and anxiety tightened around his throat. He started to choke. Intestine like coils fell from the... Weird, guttural and disgusting being before him. The squishy sound felt like foam tinted with vomit in his mouth, he wanted to throw up. He needed to throw up. 

The dead and skinned forms of his sisters rose from the greyish, bloody coils (He didn't want to acknowledge them as intestines, he had enough of his brain's vivid imagery). 

"Please no!"

_"Josh!"_

They were so bloody. So real. And so painful to look at, burning his eyes with their cold and soulless eyes. Greasy and oiled hair, long and tangled from the year or neglect somewhere in the frozen mountain that was the Washington Mountain. It was ironic that a mountain with their name was the resting place of his sisters. He didn't like the idea... It scared him

"N-no no no... I don't... I dont take orders from you!". Hannak pulled her shell off, revealing her skeletal form under the skin dead husk that had practically withered away with death. He screamed, eyes shaking, "WHY'RE YOU DOING THIS?!", he stumbled around, shouting, "LEAVE ME ALONE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

"Why didn't you save us Josh?"

"You're dead!"m his voice felt hoarse, thoat protesting at his screams.

"Why did you want us to die?"

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

The zombie, gangly spider-like zombie peered at him from above, milky eyes gazing through into his quivering soul. 

_"Josh",_ Hannah's voice was raspy, rolling off from the monster's tongue, through its crimson canines. 

* * *

The sharp sting on his bruised cheek snapped him from his daze, "Josh!", it hurt so much... Mike, "M-Mike", he shook him by the shoulders, the grip stabilising him like an anchor, "Josh... Hey, man."

"Don't h-hit me, p-please", he begged. He didn't want to be hit anymore. He was sorry for what happened, what more could he do. The dark haired teen relented, face twisted with a guilt, "You were deep in it man. Full mental jacket". Sam breathed a sigh of relief, "We thought we'd never get you back.."

They... Came for him? They were searching for him? For Joshua Washington? He felt the frozen part of him melt a little, a small bud of warmth blossoming within his cold body, spreading slowly. "Josh", Sam's hazel eyes crinkled, a shine of tears he had seen when he'd chased her (What had he done? Everything wrong). "Hannah was down here, weeks? Months?"

"Sam", Mike cut in.

"Mike", Sam rebutted. Hew gave her a stern eye, "Okay. Josh, do you have the key to the cable car?"

"Uh, y-yeah. Here", he did, in his pocket. 

He couldn't make it up there, Mike said. He didn't think he could, not with his mind reeling. Josh swore he could still hear their voices, but Sam and Mike drowned them out. 

The water was cold, enveloping the little warmth he had in chilly little hands. Mike apologised, he didn't kill Jess. _Thank goodness._

Mike yelled before being pulled into the water. The same monster appeared before, "NO! You're not real!", the monster screeched - _The same screech he head heard on his first visit with his sisters... Sisters._ Its hands reached for him, nails crooked and sharp, tinted with a crimson thick liquid. Glazing over the monster, Josh noticed with shock and fear a familiar _(Painfully familiar)_ butterfly tattoo. 

"Hannah?!", the monster's empty, milky eyes froze along with its movements, before grabbing him by the throat and dragging him off. Fear knotted in his stomach along with the anxiety and terror suffocating his mind and throat. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think. He was scared!

"NOOOOO! NOOOOOO!"

He didn't want to die by her hand!

* * *

She didn't kill him. Even as a monster, Hannah was still Hannah. She was still his sister, and she still loved him. As much as he loved her.

But she hasn't come back, and Josh was starting to worry. He had just been reunited with his sister, he accepted her now as well. She was a form of comfort he hadn't had in so long. She hasn't returned, and he started to feel alone. The silence was deafening, the smallest of drip sending a shiver down his spine. There was nothing, not a living soul other than himself.

Slowly but surely, visions started to haunt him again. Mike left him behind. Sam never came back. Chris left him on a terrible note. Beth returned in her taut and dead form, constantly repeating the same questions.

 _"Look what happened to Hannah. If you had saved us, none of this would have happened",_ her head snapped to the side.

"No! Get away! Stop!", he stumbled back into the water, thrashing below surface level before pulling himself up.

_"Why did you want us to die?"_

"I didn't... I didn't you to die"

He didn't even have his phone to contact Allen, the fifth of his therapists. He was so lonely. It hurt, somebody please! Save him! He didn't want this anymore.

* * *

Josh can't remember why he decided to go after Sam, much less Chris. The two had been so supportive, so nice to him and never pushed him out of his comfort zone. Chris had dealt with his apathetic and damaged self during his worst times, in his inability to go to school and learn. He visited him often, with homework and notes for him to copy, along with cookies and coke cans to enjoy. 

Chris was his best friend for so long, and Josh completely ruined that relationship. He cut it off like he did with every other.

Sam spoke to him from morning to midnight, even with her lessons she comforted him. She understood him, and he hurt her too. He hurt all of them. Then he acted like he was the only one that suffered, like a selfish brat.

* * *

Hannah's visions stopped appearing. Josh wanted to check what had happened to her, but he didn't have the strength nor the mental fortitude to climb out. He was trapped. And alone. And... hungry.

So hungry, stomach churning and twisting. It hurt, but the... strangers head didn't seem so welcoming. 

* * *

He was... So hungry, so hungry. Hungry. Food. Food. Head. Eat. Head.

It didn't taste of anything. But it was delicious. 

His eyes started to go milky white, he couldn't see as well. His vision started to go red, and small moving things started to white white. He could barely see. But he felt better. It wasn't cold. He was stronger. Teeth pushing out like canines. The strangers head still had meat, and he'd finish it off.

* * *

_In his last thoughts of humanity, Josh wanted nothing more than to have the party he promised them all. To apologise to Chris and Sam. To see Matt and Jess. To watch movies with everyone, and drink and party like last year._

His dark haired was tangled and ruffled, soaked with water and blood. Eyes sharper yet milky white. Teeth and nails pushed out and sharp like canine and claws.

_In his last moments, he wanted to fix everything. He wanted to end everything on a good note. He wanted to end it with everyone around him._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what it's like to have schizophrenia, so I'm sorry if this isn't accurate, This is mostly based of what we see in Josh's mind (Which makes me cry daily because god damn it he didn't deserve such an ending!), but also what is said in his wiki, because apparently all of his sessions with the analyst were fabricated, which is actually worrying.  
> The bold mixed with italics is kind of the analyst speaking, in a sense, I personally think it's what Josh actually thinks, because there was a part of him that was sane enough to know what he was doing was wrong. While the italics is either Josh's hallucinations or his delusional thoughts, so Hannah, Beth and the twisted image of what Josh perceived to be his doctor, since in his fabrications he's a lot different than what he is actually, according to his wiki. But he's still kind of a villain for misjudging the help Josh needed. And his hallucinations of him is telling of what Josh sees.  
> Josh just deserved so much better, and he never got it. Death was probably the best for him, but the way he got it is also just as bad in the game. He's killed by his own sister, whom he did everything for snd grieved so much he went crazy.


End file.
